The Gordian Knot

2004-07-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

Overheard at the Democratic National Convention:

"I know all about the unemployment problem...I was the first one laid off."
~Al Gore

"Strength and wisdom are not mutually exclusive."
~Bill Clinton

"You hear people talking about John Edwards--what a great speaker he is, how charismatic he is, how energetic...you know, I kind of resent him."
~Bill Clinton

2004-07-26T00:44:00.000-04:00

Dying to find out your Superhero Identity? Click the link to find out, and share with us when you find out. Here's mine; please note the Nemesis...

Name: Lady Woman
Secret Identity: Teri Roberts
Special Power: Psionic Fart
Transportation: Alien Bicycle
Weapon: Psychotronic Blunderbuss
Costume: Chain Booties
Sidekick: Samwise
Nemesis: Eric the Ugly
Tragic Flaw: Narcolepsy
Favorite Food: Cashews

2004-07-02T23:58:00.000-04:00

Did'ja ever really want something, but not know how to go about getting it? I mean, REALLY want it, and have no idea how to bring your vision into reality? I seem to have that problem a lot lately, but today I was visited by a Guardian Angel who helped bring one particular goal of mine a step closer to fruition. All it took was a single moment of sharing, and boom! The exact thing I needed was in my hand. No asking, no strings attached, just THERE. Sometimes things just happen that way, and it's times like those that I know God is right there, holding my hand every step of the way, and he places these precious angels in my path for very good reasons. Thanks Aunt Barb...you're truly an angel.

2004-06-25T21:48:00.000-04:00

Well boys and girls, it's been a VERY long time since I've updated, but you know how it goes. The girls and I are getting settled into our new surroundings and things will hopefully smooth into a new routine. I hate free-floating, despite the fact that I am an unpredictable Aquarian.

New news on the homefront: My sister and brother-in-law are expecting my very firstest nephew in October! I'm so excited!

Still doing the job hunt thing and trying to find time to type a paper...August is coming...I better get a move on!

2004-04-09T14:26:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Good Friday...generally a day of contempletive reflection for me, but I decided to stay home and get some work done while I have a day off. I miss going to "The Walk," a 7 mile walk that I've done on Good Friday since I was a Freshman in high school, but I really needed to finish up some things, since graduation is just a few short weeks away.

As it happened, though, I got some news in the mail. Here's a little background: In order to earn my teaching license, I have to pass 2 tests, which are called Praxis tests. One was on my content, Language Arts, and the other was on general teaching practices. I passed the Language Arts test in November, and I took the other in March and have been dreading the results because I knew I hadn't done well.

Fast forward to today...I got my results, and I was right; I DID do horribly. In order to pass the test, I needed to get a score of 165. My score, however, was a 166, and while it was totally shitty, I PASSED!!!!! WHOO-HOOO!!!!

2004-04-04T23:41:00.000-04:00

I guess after waiting so long to finally be engaged to my sweetheart, I didn't expect for things to change all that much. But they did! Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's the end of the year syndrome, maybe I just miss him, but since we've become "official" I've found myself becoming so antsy for our wedding that I can't stand myself sometimes! And on top of that, I miss Debbie and I wish I could talk some of this stuff over with her, and have her input in planning our wedding, and it just sucks SO BAD that she's not here. I wish she'd send me an epiphany on what our wedding colors are supposed to be, just to help make up for not being around for me to bounce ideas off of. HEY MA, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, CAN YOU HELP US DOWN HERE A LITTLE???? Sorry to vent when I know darn well who I end up venting to, but sometimes I just hafta get some of that stuff off my chest.

2004-03-27T20:40:00.000-05:00

You know, when I was a little girl, I would go find daisies in our back yard and do the "He loves me, he loves me not" thing, like every little girl does. It seemed like it would always end up on the "he loves me not" petal, but I would move on to the next thing and forget about the flower. Isn't it funny that years later, I finally landed on a "he loves me" petal? Dan and I happily announce our engagement.

HE LOVES ME (FINALLY) !!!

2004-03-25T23:20:00.000-05:00

I am such a slacker...I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've posted. Well, truly, I'm not a slacker, just insanely busy. What in the world possessed me when I enrolled in college to be a teacher? My student teaching is going pretty well, but I'm not performing at the level I expect of myself, mostly because I'm feeling like a piece of taffy being pulled in 26 different directions. It's been a bit discouraging at times, but I'm trying to keep a postitive attitude and make my best effort better. Pray for me!!

2004-02-28T12:26:00.000-05:00

Attention: Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

2004-01-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

Yay! My last semester at Ashland, which will ultimately result in my degree and teaching license, began today. It won't be easy (I expected nothing less) but it's almost done...May, here I come!

2004-01-06T10:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I've returned from the abyss of our house (which incidentally, now contains a long-coveted computer, and will hopefully have internet access before too long) in Parma. We spent most of the holidays there and it was exceedingly relaxing and enjoyable, except for the part where Ellie cut her hair on New Year's eve. We spend Christmas eve with my folks, Christmas morning at our house with just the 4 of us, and Christmas night at Dan's folks' new apartment. The 26th was Dan's birthday (happy belated, sweetheart) and we went to a party in the evening. We also enjoyed a little soiree at Dick and Debbie's New Year's eve, so mostly we kept busy and laid low when we weren't.

I have lots of things to do before my student teaching semester begins on Monday, however, so I probably won't be posting as much as I'd like. The sad thing is that I don't even have any inspirational thoughts. I'm rather dreading the start of school, and I could use about 6 more weeks to get everything that I want to get done accomplished. Oh well, life goes on whether you want it to or not. I just pray that May gets here soon, and my diploma (as planned) along with it!!

2003-12-12T14:19:00.000-05:00

Well, you'll notice a new addition to my blog...a graduation countdown!! Now that my last semester of classes is officially over (although I do have 2 papers to turn in) I figured that I can safely say that my college career is only one teensy little semster away from being done. Aren't you proud of me?

2003-12-10T20:16:00.000-05:00

The story from the previous post was taken from The Pigman by Paul Zindel, a young adult book that I read for one of my final projects this semester. The story was actually a personality test of sorts, and your answer determines what things in life you value most. Each character represented something else; here's the code. You do the math.

1. Husband=Love
2. Wife= Fun
3. Lover=Sex
4. Assassin=Money
5. Boatman=Magic

2003-11-30T23:46:00.000-05:00

Read the murder story and answer the question. I’ll post a follow-up soon so you know what your answer means…

There is a river with a bridge over it, and a WIFE and her HUSBAND live in a house on one side. The WIFE has a LOVER who lives on the other side of the river, and the only way to get from one side of the river to the other is to walk across the bridge or ask the BOATMAN to take you.

One day, the HUSBAND tells his WIFE that he has to be gone all night to handle some business in a nearby town. The WIFE pleads with her HUSBAND to take her with him, because she knows that if he doesn’t that she will be unfaithful to him. The HUSBAND refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business.

So the HUSBAND goes alone, promising to be back at dawn, and the WIFE goes over the bridge and stays the night with her LOVER. The WIFE leaves her LOVER just before the sun rises because she knows she must return home before her HUSBAND gets home. She starts to cross the bridge but sees an ASSASSIN waiting for her on the other side, and she knows that if she tries to cross he will murder her. In terror, she runs up the side of the river and asks the BOATMAN to take her across the river, but he wants fifty cents. Because she has no money, he will not take her.

The WIFE runs back to the LOVER’S house and explains her predicament is and asks him for fifty cents to pay the BOATMAN. The LOVER refuses, telling her it’s her own fault for getting into the situation. As dawn comes, the WIFE is nearly going out of her mind, and decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the ASSASSIN, he takes out a large knife and stabs her to death.

On the comments section, list 1-5 who you think is the most responsible for the wife’s death, 1 being the most guilty: WIFE, HUSBAND, BOATMAN, LOVER, and ASSASSIN.

2003-11-12T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well, since there were complaints about my poll (you know who you are) I changed it and reset the votes. So if you voted before, vote again!

In other news...HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY MADDISON!!!

2003-11-10T11:34:00.000-05:00

I posted a new poll. Now go vote.

2003-11-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a total bust. We went to dog and house sit for my sister and brother-in-law, and I felt like crap the whole time. What is it with getting sick? I've already been sick twice since school started, and for somebody who NEVER gets sick, that's pretty bad. I'm getting a bad feeling about this whole winter thing.

In other news, the word association was a success, even if it was the same 3 people posting the whole time. Let's try it again, because I've increased advertisement so maybe I'll get some new visitors. Here's your word:

turkey

Now run with it!

2003-10-27T00:34:00.000-05:00

It's Monday now so I feel like I should post. What's going on? The word association is going well, don't you think? I left my backpack in the trunk of my car right under the spot where it leaks...My whole semester is a soggy mess now. Yay. Guess it's time for me to go to bed before the excitement gets me all riled up. Night.

2003-10-21T12:35:00.000-04:00

I added a new button to my "How's the Weather" section today, just in case anyone is interested. It's for Fetchbook.info, which is a website that compares the price of books at over 80 bookstores and websites. Considering how often I buy books, I figured this would be a handy tool and I wanted to share it with you, my loyal visitors. So what's your dessert personality? Post on comments!

2003-10-20T11:51:00.000-04:00

Dessert Personality Test

If you were making a dessert and you had your choice of those below (or some great bakery was baking the dessert of your choice), which would you choose?

Angel food cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
White Icing on Chocolate Cake
Tapioca Pudding (hot, with cold real whipped cream on top)
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake

Angel food--Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

Brownies--You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue--Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

White Icing on Chocolate Cake--You are a very happy person that nothing bothers you and you let nothing drag you down. You love life and especially love giving more than receiving. Your patience are eternal. When you fall in love with someone--you give them your all.

Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing--Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake--Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate--Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. You will not settle for anything average in life, and you ove to laugh.

Tapioca Pudding (hot, with cold real whipped cream on top)--Sweet and loving, you make a perfect mate. Smooth, sexy, and articulate with your hands. Funny and intelligent. You can fix anything by brain power, minimizing physical labor (which is what sons-in-laws are for). People come to you and you respond. Your quirks can make you a pain in the ass.

Ice Cream--You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake--You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

2003-10-15T15:37:00.000-04:00

So I'm bored. And people are actually voting in my Halloween poll, so somebody must be visiting, which means:

TIME FOR WORD ASSOCIATION!!!

You know the drill. Below is a word, so in the comments box just type the first word it makes you think of. As the list gets longer, you look at the most recent word in the comments, and put down what that word makes you think of. It'll be fun, I promise, so keep visiting...

Your word is: MUG

2003-10-10T01:48:00.000-04:00

Okay, so Dan's meeting neighbors and unpacking the rest of the boxes and putting together the entertainment center just like he should be. So why am I so damn miserable because he's there doing all of that work and I'm here at home writing papers and doing projects? This is going to be a LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG 8 months.

2003-10-01T12:13:00.000-04:00

Well, you know, it's been a while. So I decided that since nobody responds when I actually DO post, that I would do a totally interactive posting of deep questions to ponder. Try your hand at these:

1. If you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover, do you get a rash of good luck?
2. Why is the alphabet in that order?
3. Why can't you buy pariels, but you CAN buy non-pariels?
4. What did moths congregate around before light bulbs were invented?
5. Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?

2003-09-23T00:04:00.000-04:00

I know, I know, I haven't posted for 3 weeks, and now I post twice in 10 minutes. But it's NOT THE SAME DAY!!!! Any who, I have great news to announce for those of you who aren't already privy to this amazing, exciting breakthrough. Dan and I bought a house!!

I say "Dan and I" loosely, because he's going to be showing most of the money until I graduate. But it's intended to be a "newlywed nest" (or perhaps just a "love shack," depending on where I get a job and when we begin cohabitating) and it's being set up with all of us in mind.

We went this weekend to get the essential items that we needed--living room furniture and a washer and dryer--and we had a heck of a lot of fun picking stuff out. Of course the financial part is ever-so-scary because it'll be a while until I can really contribute on a regular basis, but as long as we don't eat or anything for the next 8 months, we should be perfectly fine.

So that's what September has been all about for the two of us, so hopefully all of our loyal friends won't think we've forgotten about them while we're trying to take care of all the paperwork and incidentals, or until we have enough money to buy groceries so we can invite them to dinner.

2003-09-22T23:52:00.000-04:00

I was checking my email today on Hotmail, and I saw an ad that seems to be frequenting the site lately. It's a banner, thankfully, and not one of those damn pop-ups, but it asks, "Are you sure it's a yeast infection?"

Now I ask you, first of all, if you're a woman over the age of 18 and you don't know if it's "really" a yeast infection, then you are a failure of a woman. Secondly, don't they know that guys use that site too? What the frick? I mean, c'mon, let's advertise something we both use, and leave the Diflucan commercials to women.com. What do you all have to say on the topic?

2003-09-04T12:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, here's the scoop. My comments box is having a server problem, and is hoping to be back and running by September 8, which is Monday (also my sister's birthday and Dick and Debbie's [Dan's Folks'] Anniversary. In other words, it's a GREAT day!! Anywho, hang on to your bitches and other various comments until Monday, and then spring them forth...just don't forget!!

2003-09-02T21:13:00.000-04:00

There are so many issues going on in the world: criminals on death row, pizza delivery guys and car bombs exploding, the upcoming presidential election...But you know, none of this stuff is as close to me as the crappy-ass parking on campus at Ashland. I am so disgusted with the way they treat their commuter students, and I'm fed up with driving around the parking lot--you know, one of the TWO PARKING LOTS FOR 2,000 COMMUTER STUDENTS--for 20 minutes before giving up and squeezing in along the street, and ending up being 10 minutes late for class. This is my current pet peeve. Anybody else got any bitches they'd like to air out. C'mon, we're listening...

2003-08-05T18:13:00.000-04:00

Hey, all! In honor of the upcoming school year, I thought it would be beneficial to provide this useful Vocabulary Lesson to enlighten all of the scholars out there...

Words Women Use

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine"
to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman
has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, andbackwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will
last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you
have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't geta "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is
wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

2003-08-01T12:06:00.000-04:00

Hi all! I'm still alive, just heniously busy and haven't had time to work on my blogging much. Plus, nobody has been sending me anything good on email that has sparked my interest. Here's a poll:

1. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
2. Original or Extra Tasty Crispy?
3. What color are your eyes? If you had to change their color, what would you change them to?
4. What CD is in your player right now?
5. What's better: getting snail mail or getting E-mail?

2003-06-19T02:32:00.000-04:00

**Sheepish blush**

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. I've been hard at work on my classes, and I started working at McDonalds--yes, another fast food joint--as well as designing another website which will be unveiled at a later date. I've had a lot of problems viewing my blog and getting on blogger too, since they've been working on it.

Happy (Slightly Belated) Birthday Ellie and ObeeKris!!

Here's another post from my blog quiz:

G. THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | Trying not to write a paper on arranged marriages
02 | drinking tea
03 | checking email
------------------------------------------------------------
H. THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | marry Dan and have babies together
02 | teach junior high
03 | go to see Mont Saint-Michel
------------------------------------------------------------
I. THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | make people feel good about themselves
02 | cook halfway decent
03 | procrastinate
------------------------------------------------------------
J. THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | paradoxical
02 | sarcastic
03 | disorganized
------------------------------------------------------------

K. THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | keep my checkbook balanced
02 | play the piano
03 | more than 12 things at once
------------------------------------------------------------
L. THREE THINGS I THINK EVERYBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Indigo Girls
02 | children laughing
03 | Brigid’s Cross

2003-05-18T23:50:00.000-04:00

Hey! I got this really cool blog quiz from a friend and I decided to fill it out and post it a little at a time...it's really long so I can't do it all at once. Here is the first installment; if you see one that you'd like to tell me, just refer to its letter and post your own.

A. THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | failure
02 | being inadequate
03 | not having Dan in my life
------------------------------------------------------------
B. THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Ellery
02 | Dan
03 | Maddison
------------------------------------------------------------
C. THREE THINGS I LOVE: (in no particular order)
01 | Jesus
02 | Dan
03 | my girls
------------------------------------------------------------
D. THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | being broke all the time
02 | being chubby
03 | lousy drivers
-----------------------------------------------------------
E. THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | algebra
02 | Why idiots can get driver’s licenses
03 | myself
------------------------------------------------------------
F. THREE THINGS ON MY DESK (randomly):
01 | my gigantic Synonym Finder
02 | colored pencils
03 | Excedrin
------------------------------------------------------------

2003-05-12T00:21:00.000-04:00

Boy, things are going my way today! First, I changed the mini poll...Looks like everybody was at the cafeteria so I thought we could use a vacation. Second, I found out that I can pay off my car 2 years early!! Yay for me!! Thirdly, Spring semester is over and now maybe i get to breathe! Fourthly, I got the stuff to start doing the two Lit courses that I'm doing over the summer by correspondence. Fifthly, the books for said courses should have cost me about $175.00, but thanks to Amazon I was able to buy them used for $71.00...including tax, title, and shipping!! I LOVE to save money!! And sixthly (now that you're all bored to death with my good luck that will probably end tomorrow anyway), I get to go on the first grade field trip with my Maddi-girl on Tuesday, and I'm just geeked. Well, that's all my good news for now...knock on wood. Check back in with ya later...

2003-05-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, well, i think my word association has about had it. Let's try one more time, but if I don't have any other visitors, this won't ever work. Guess maybe I should make some friends!

Your word is: knock

2003-05-02T23:19:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned that I hate finals? No? Well, I HATE finals. I"ll be back next week after I get some sleep!

2003-04-25T14:54:00.000-04:00

So since nobody has taken my quiz, i guess I'm going to move on to something else...I've really enjoyed doing the word association on Chris's blog Random Access Mind and I think i'd like to try my own word association. If you've never played, here's how it goes: I start by posting a word. Then in the comments section, you post the first word that comes to your mind when you think about that word. So if i posted the word "peanut butter", you might immediately think of "jelly", so that's what you'd post. Then the next person would post what they thought of when they saw the word "jelly" and would post "wiggle", and so on. Feel free to visit as many times as you like and add a word, but you can't respond if you were the last person to make a post. So here's your word:

cow

2003-04-21T00:32:00.000-04:00

I took a fun little quiz to see what my Disney theme song was, and ironically enough, it's from my favorite Disney movie!

Belle
Tale as old as time,
Tune as old as song.
Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change.
Learning you were wrong...

Go check out the quiz, and post what your Disney theme song is on the comments section.

2003-04-17T00:04:00.000-04:00

Okay, got bored so there's some new features on the site. One is hiding, though...scroll down toward the bottom of the page, and click the button to sign my guest map. Then you can poke your place in this world, and we'll all know where we're coming from! Poll ideas are always welcome!

2003-04-16T15:22:00.000-04:00

Seeing as how I'm concerned about my friends (Tim, this is for you), I wanted to give you all some warning signs to look for if you suspect that you might be insane.

1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
2. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
3. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
4. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.
5. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
6. You collect dead windowsill flies.
7. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.
8. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
9. You have a debilitating fear of fabric softener.
10. Melba toast excites you.
11. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."
12. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.
13. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.
14. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.
15. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.
16. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.
17. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

2003-04-07T14:59:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a lot of praying lately, and I stumbled across this little prayer. I liked it so much, I thought I would share it with you, my devoted readers.

Lord, may those that we love, love us in return.
But if they do not love us, may you turn their hearts.
But if you cannot turn their hearts, may you turn their ankles...
So we will know them by their limping.

~An Irish Prayer

2003-04-04T16:10:00.000-05:00

I've been doing some checking online to find out about ways to get student loans forgiven. If, like many of my friends and readers, you are wondering if you can get in on an opportunity to get rid of a little bit of your loan albatross, take a look at some of these sites and find out if you qualify. NOTE: These forgiveness policies are not limited to those in the education profession.

FinAid
Mapping Your Future
Willamette College
Adventures in Education

2003-04-02T15:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I got some of the saddest news I could have gotten yesterday. Although I hadn't announced it on the site, my sister and brother in law were expecting a baby in November. Sadly, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. There isn't anything more to say. I loved you already, little one.

2003-03-25T23:00:00.000-05:00

For all of my female readers: I thought the following news brief information would be excessively interesting and necessary in order to communicate in today's diverse world. If you can think of any more, please feel free to add them in the comments section.

HOW TO SPEAK OF MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a GRAIN ALCOHOL STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10.He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

2003-03-24T14:44:00.000-05:00

Thank God it's Spring!!!

When it's Winter in Ohio
And the gentle breezes blow...
(About seventy miles an hour
And it's fifty-two below.)

You can tell you're in Ohio
'cause the snow's up to your butt,
And you take a breath of Winter air
And your nose holes both freeze shut.

The weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around,
I could NEVER leave Ohio--
(My feet are frozen to the ground!)

2003-03-24T14:35:00.000-05:00

Since I'm a full time student and single parent, I'm always looking for time-savers and good tips to make my life easier. If you get a chance to try any of these, let me know how they work. I'll make sure to submit your story to the Darwin Awards as soon as I have all of the details.

1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

6. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

8. Save on alcohol by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

2003-03-23T23:17:00.000-05:00

Well, the big excitement is over now, but I wanted to share the events of Thursday and Friday with my "extended" family of readers and friends. I was helping Maddison's Girl Scout troop with their meeting on Thursday, and after their meeting, the girls went out to play in the playground at the school (their meeting is held after school in one of the classrooms). As I was stepping down into the playground (it's surrounded by a curb about 3 inches higher than the rest of the playground) my foot hit the pebbles that they use as ground cover, the rocks shifted, and I severely twisted,and ultimately sprained, my ankle and foot. I hobbled around on crutches all weekend but my foot is feeling somewhat better now, despite the fact that the swelling hasn't gone down much. Just don't go and get all clumsy and hurt yourselves like I did, okay?

2003-03-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to Dr. Ann Shelly...my advisor, my champion, my sounding board, and an all-around great lady.

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "Of course! Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR TOPIC IS. WHAT MATTERS IS WHO YOUR ADVISOR IS.

2003-03-19T22:54:00.000-05:00

Well, by the time that anybody actually reads this, you will know that the U.S. has declared war on Iraq--if you didn't know immediately after the first strikes happened. At first, I was totally against going to war. And despite the fact that my darling boyfriend and several close friends disagree with me, I'm beginning to support the whole idea. I mean, I was old enough during the Gulf War to figure out what a creepy, diabolical guy Hussein was, so why would things be different now? He's got stuff that could obliterate half of the Earth's population, not a snitched cookie that deserves a 5 minute time out. I would personally rather make sure that he not mess up my plans to teach, or raise my kids, or have my gravestone read "beloved wife of Daniel". What kinds of things would you do right now if you knew that you had 24 hours to tie up any loose ends or make memories that needed making?

2003-03-17T14:35:00.000-05:00

HEY!!! What are you doing right now? Nothing special? Good!!! Go to Random Access Mind and see the changes that my pal Chris has made to his louverly, "New and Improved" blog!

There. Does that make you smile Obee??

2003-03-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

Nobody's answering my questions!! What's wrong with my blog? Boo, hoo, hoo. There. Now I cried...will you please answer my questions now?

2003-03-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, well, I've decided that it's been WAY too long since I've asked a round of completely irrelevant questions, so here they are for your perusal. If you've never done this before, read the questions, click on my comment section, and give the best smart-assed answer that you can come up with. Luckily I have a lot of smart-assed friends, so you're sure to have a lot of competition!

1. If it's zero degrees outside today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
2. How do "Keep Off the Grass" signs get on the grass?
3. Where do they get the seeds to grow seedless oranges?
4. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
5. Is it possible to be totally partial?

Good luck!

2003-03-10T12:32:00.000-05:00

Damn, the site looks good, doesn't it?? I made a few minor changes that I' ve been wanting to get to, and everything fell into place. Since that NEVER happens, I figure I better take advantage of it, and enjoy my success while I can!

Spring break has arrived--FINALLY--but I have so much to accomplish that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I better pick a spot and get started then, shouldn't I?? By the way, many thanks to my friends from school for the great post ideas and for stopping by...spread the word about the site and eventually, my quest for world domination will be complete!! Nya, nya, nya (think: evil laugh)!

2003-03-03T14:22:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh, have you heard the news? The Canadians have agreed to help America with the war on terrorism! According to news reports, they have pledged 2 of their biggest battleships, 6000 ground troops and 6 fighter jets. Can you believe that? Our pacificistic neighbors to the north? Helping us battle terrorism? I was amazed too!!

Unfortunately, after the exchange rate conversion, we ended up with 2 canoes, 1 Mountie, and some flying squirrels.

Go figure.

2003-02-26T14:18:00.000-05:00

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids.
Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
War Dims Hope for Peace.
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge.
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.

2003-02-24T11:48:00.000-05:00

If you're bored and want to see something really neat, try going to visit the Magic Crystal Ball. You'll feel better after you do.

2003-02-24T08:29:00.000-05:00

Just out of curiosity, is anyone up for some word play?

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen the mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of de feet.

2003-02-20T14:18:00.000-05:00

Well, it just occurred to me that I've been making posts but I haven't given you all a real update on what's up with me. At present, I'm floundering with my Composition class, and seriously considering a minor change in major...i have to find out the specifics though. What I think I'd like to do is change from Secondary English (grades 7-12) to Language Arts and Social Studies Middle (grades 4-9). I am so in love with the age of the kids that I'm working with, and I think it would be far easier for me to teach the younger grades than the high school. In addition to that, the classes that I have to take are just swamping me, and I'm getting the love of English and Reading sucked out of me. Maybe if I change a little, I can stop hating what I'm learning before it's too late and I end up a bitter, twisted high school teacher.

Well, enough of that. I got a huge surprise for Valentine's Day. My darling boyfriend finds it funny to take advantage of my somewhat gullible (I prefer to call it unassuming) disposition, and he told me that he was awaiting delivery of my Valentine's Day gift (which he says is partly true, at least). Thus, he completely surprised me in the parking lot at Meijer when he gave me a stunning ruby and diamond ring--two hearts intertwined. Just for clarification, it's A ring, not THE ring, but his thoughtfulness and consideration were so incredibly touching, that I think I might just have to keep him forever. Sometimes--no, i take that back--ALL the time, he amazes me beyond compare. I'm the luckiest woman alive.

Well, I guess that's all, and the battery on my laptop is dying, so I'll stop here for now. Let me know what's up with you!

2003-02-20T12:19:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the missing link...it's repaired now, so go ahead and visit it. BTW, Hi Chris!!! What's up?

2003-02-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

Feeling patriotic? Take a second to visit Beetle Bailey's take on what the American Flag means to those who proudly fly it.

2003-02-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to
the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For two years the bearer delivered only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of it's own imperfection, and miserable because it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back too your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts." the pot said.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other side? That's because I have always known about your flaw and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path; every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

We all have flaws. Take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. "The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body."
~I Corinthians 12:12

2003-02-17T00:29:00.000-05:00

As I've Matured...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others--they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do--unless we are celebrities.
I' ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

2003-02-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

Well what the heck are you doing here? Go visit the Age Gauge, fill in your birthday, and let me know what you think!

2003-02-13T23:29:00.000-05:00

A big shout-out to Crystal, who visited the site. She said I was uplifting! Imagine that, ME uplifting??? Come visit us again.

2003-02-13T23:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I got home today after a long day at school. I had been doing some work on the lessons I'm teaching next week and YAY! I found the Maya Angelou videocassette that i was looking for! Please forgive me, i digress...

When i got home, there was this GIGUNDOUS envelope that had come in the mail for me, and here my sweetie had sent me this mammoth Valentine's Day card! Some days we just get so wrapped up in what we're doing that I forget how incredibly romantic he can be when he wants to be. It's so difficult being away from Dan all week, and when he does things like this it just makes me think of how blessed and lucky i am to have such a wonderful man in my life. I'm feeling hormonal, so i think i'll go cry now. Just wanted to share. I hope God blesses all of you with the same gift of love that I have. Have a happy St. Valentine's Day tomorrow!

2003-02-06T12:36:00.000-05:00

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that that the idiot who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day, and she was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

2003-02-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the
trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and their fields go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our house to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prized possession.
It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead
of worrying about wanting more. Take joy in all you have, especially your friends.

2003-02-02T23:25:00.000-05:00

Oh, and since you were so vague in your answers, and since whoever responded to my God post didn't put in their 2 cents worth on the polish post, I decided to switch my polish. I went with a shiny dark green color (it's called Tidal Wave) and decided to try the nail-painting thing again. I like the way my hands look while I'm typing.

2003-02-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, well, like the best thing that could've possibly happened, happened this weekend. And no, Dan did not propose to me, I'm not even going to go there. However, I am one step closer to being able to marry the love of my life, because some of the loose ends that I've been trying to tie up from my first marriage are getting looped together. Is this great or what??

2003-01-30T20:12:00.000-05:00

You know, I got some new toenail polish the other day, some really shiny sparkly polish that looks kind of purplish or blueish or reddish, or sometimes all three, depending on the light. So since I was going to be starting my classroom experience today, I decided to paint my fingernails too, something that I haven't done in years. Would you believe that I've gotten like six compliments on my nails since I did them? What does that tell you? Either I have great taste in nail polish, or people just really noticed my nails because they're so different from the ordinary, or I should paint them more often, or what? What's your take? Talk amongst yourselves, and then cast your vote.

2003-01-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

Where in the World is God?

The constant reminders of the misery, sorrow, and violence in the world can blot out any feelings of God's presence around us. Yet he IS present whenever people are quietly working to do good. Look for these signs of God's presence in the world. . .

Acts of kindness and compassion--One person reaching out to another. God is behind all quiet deeds of charity.
People of power or prestige who make generous donations to the poor or disposessed-- God is the inspiration for genuine philanthropy.
Someone who refuses to compromise his or her principles or morals--Despite what the rest of society is doing. That is God working to reassert his just laws.
Groups struggling against the abuse of power--God is helping them to preserve the truth.
Victims of tragedy--Eventually move from "why did this happen to me" to "What can I do now?" Hope for the future comes from God.

As we go about our daily lives, let us be comforted and guided by the thought that "I am with you always, until the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

From Success Publishing & Media, LLC, Reprinted by St. Angela Merici Parish, Fairview Park, Ohio, January 2003

2003-01-21T11:56:00.000-05:00

SNORING WAS NOT THE PROBLEM!

By the time Willard pulled into a little town every hotel room was
taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the
office.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the
manager,"and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you
the truth, hesnores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have
complained inthe past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveller assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning Willard came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring,
then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Willard.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,"
Willard explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said,
'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

2003-01-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs a list to live by...

The most destructive habit..............................Worry
The greatest Joy.............................................Giving
The greatest loss......................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work....................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait....................Selfishness
The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"...........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome......................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love
The most dangerous pariah......................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......The brain
The worst thing to be without......................... Hope
The deadliest weapon.............................The tongue
The two most power-filled words................."I Can"
The greatest asset.........................................Faith
The most worthless emotion......................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire................................SMILE!
The most prized possession....................... Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer
The most contagious spirit....................Enthusiasm

2003-01-14T21:24:00.000-05:00

Just a bit of wisdom to pass along.

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

2003-01-13T16:33:00.000-05:00

Well heck-O-geeze, whaddya know? After neglecting my poor blog for almost a month, I have returned. I had hoped to do some regular posting over break, but as it turned out, I was lucky if I got to check my email once a week!! Spring semester is in session as of today, and it's looking to be a real doozie. Any hoo, here are a few thoughts for my teaching friends who love words as much as I do. The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of this and last year's winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Hope it's at least good for a laugh...

2002-12-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to all of the men in my life...(Compliments of Geo, see link below)

It's tough being a man...

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you aren't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

And they wonder why men die before women...

2002-12-16T00:58:00.000-05:00

As for my last class, Early English Literature, I requested an incomplete so that I could have extra time to finish my paper, but I haven't heard back from my professor. Other than that one paper, I'm done for the semester, and it feels GREAT!!! I will post grades as they come along...

2002-12-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

Yay! I'm done with News Editing!!! Forever!!!

2002-12-12T00:23:00.000-05:00

Yay! I'm done with Analytical Philosophy!!! At least for this semester...but I'll keep thinking good thoughts....Three classes down and 3 more to finish (this equals 2 1/2 papers by Friday--I can so do this)! P.S. Got a C+...sucks grade-wise, but I PASSED MY MATH CREDIT!!!!!!

2002-12-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

Yay! I'm done with Writing for the Media! Forever!!!
p.s. My final grade in the class is a B+!!

2002-12-10T23:56:00.000-05:00

Look! I'm a Comfort Colada

Being with you is like taking a vacation. When it comes right down to it, you're good-hearted, smooth, and just the right amount of sweet. Chances are you're the first call people make when they need someone to cheer them up or when they want someone to celebrate with. You're supportive, encouraging, and know how to have a good time.

Since you're a laid-back and sensitive person, you really take the time to fully enjoy all of life's little gifts. You probably thrive when you're surrounded by the things you love most — whether it's friends and family or a cause you are passionate about. There's a richness about you that people just can't ignore. And what better way to complement your compassionate, relaxed spirit than with a cocktail that has the same deep and smooth take on life?

Grab a glass, and one for your friends. Add 2 ice cubes, 1 1/2 oz of Southern Comfort, 1 oz of cream of coconut, 2 oz of pineapple juice, and mix them up in a blender to make a festive cocktail that's just as chill as you are!

Now go to Emode to see what kind of cocktail you are!

2002-12-10T00:31:00.000-05:00

Yay! I'm done with Intro to Intervention!! Forever!!! And I got an A!!!!

2002-12-04T01:05:00.000-05:00

By the way part 2: Happy Birthday Josh!

2002-12-04T01:04:00.000-05:00

By the way, did anyone realize that it's freaking 8 degrees out right now? Where the hell are we, Antartica?

2002-12-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, now I'll put a realish post up, since I have something to say. First, I went to see the St. Petersburg String Quartet tonight, and they had the Erato Quartet with them, both currently hailing from Oberlin College (the SPSQ is originally from St. Petersburg Russia). What a thrill! They were wonderful, and I'm really glad that I got a chance to see them. Secondly, I got a 'C' on my first English paper in my Early English Lit class. What is that? I've never gotten a 'C' on an English paper in my entire life!! Guess I'm just not working up to full speed. Thirdly, by popular demand, I am fulfilling the request for the only website you will need to make your holiday party a rocking good time--just don't forget to collect car keys in advance! Get yourself to I drink, click on "Your Ingredients" and check off the items you have, go to "Find Recipes", and PRESTO! You have a million mixed drinks to toy with--who needs presents? Slainte!

2002-12-03T18:29:00.000-05:00

Well, since I'm here adding to my list of teaching websites, I see no reason to avoid a chance to post. So here, I've posted, be happy.

2002-11-29T11:43:00.000-05:00

Okay kids, here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for. Your homework assignment for tonight is to write a speech that President Bush could give at his next press conference. Seem like it's too tough? Go Write President Bush's Speech here. And let me know how it goes!

2002-11-27T01:20:00.000-05:00

Did I seem worried or stressed out in my last post? I'm really not...my dad was able to get my starter rebuilt for no charge, saving me about $250, and i'm back on the road once they clear the snow off. I got my English Paper done, and now I can start on some of the other stuff, so that's good. And my sweet little daughters are snug in their beds...exactly where i'm going. Life is pretty damn good. Thanks God.

2002-11-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

AAAAHHHH! Please don't tell me that it's been a month since I've updated...PLEASE!! I've been so incredibly busy that things have just gotten way out of hand. My Cecilia, my beautiful car, fell into a coma on Friday. My dad is in the process of trying to revive her, and it looks like she needs a new starter. Hopefully I'll be back on the road by Thursday, but if not, it'll be a landlocked Thanksgiving. Speaking of falling, I fell on some ice Saturday, and I feel like a bruised, achy 90-year old. Sheesh.

I'm also in the throes of end-of-semester crap. All of my professors decided that THIS semester, they want a paper to be the final grade in the class. So I have finished a project and a paper during the last 2 days, and I only have about 6 or 7 more to do by the end of next week. And write a debate. And 2 take-home exams. And a standard exam. Must I scream again?

In addition to all of that, Dan's grandpa passed away, and Maddison had a birthday, and Thanksgiving is here. This is just crazy nuts. I think I'm going go go bake a pie or something. Happy Turkey day!

2002-10-28T00:02:00.000-05:00

Well, you guys seemed to really like that one, so I'll try another, especially for you Chris. Go to Kingdomality to see what your job would've been in medieval times. By the way, how the hell are things going??? This is what I got on the test:
The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

2002-10-23T12:18:00.000-04:00

What's YOUR favorite Lucky Charm????

GREEN CLOVERS: If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on them until they cheer up.

BLUE DIAMONDS: If your favorite marshmallow shape is the blue diamond, your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later. "If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably what's going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.

ORANGE STARS: If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They often moan out their own names while making love.

PINK HEARTS: If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.

PURPLE HORSESHOES: If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she or he is likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows what could happen next?

YELLOW MOONS: If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her/his needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the yellow moons out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.

OAT BITS: Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all: If you prefer the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music. People who like oat bits have more time to spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.

2002-10-16T09:16:00.000-04:00

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

2002-10-16T08:23:00.000-04:00

Ever stop to think...and forget to start again???

2002-10-15T17:44:00.000-04:00

Hey kids! Lots has been going on, so sorry I haven't posted lately. I dog-sat for my sister this past weekend, and have been muddling through midterm-type crap. I do have an opportunity for someone to help me out, though...I need to review a good news website for my Writing for the Media class. It cannot be New York Times, Chicago Tribune, CNN, Washington Post , or Wall Street Journal, and it needs to be both visually pleasing and informative. If anyone has any thoughts, let me know!

2002-10-06T12:02:00.000-04:00

After dealing with a multitude of stupid people the past few weeks, this week wasn't quite so bad. However, I decided that I better brush up on
Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
How many angels could dance on his head?

2002-09-30T00:47:00.000-04:00

Well, my sister's wedding went off without a hitch more or less. During the recessional, Ellie (my 3-year old) decided that she would show everyone how well her mama taught her, and began picking up the rose petals that she had tossed on the way down. What a sweet sight that was! The private dinner on the canal boat was just lovely, and we had a nice time at the big reception thrown on Saturday. Then on Sunday night, Dan, the girls, and I went to my godson's 4th birthday party, and it was so nice getting to see my girlfriend, her husband, and their families. A busy weekend, which I'm sure will require a good deal of recuperation, but my Tuesday night evening class is coming up soon...

2002-09-25T12:23:00.000-04:00

In my News Editing class, we're discussing the hows and whys of writing headlines. Tell me what you think of my first couple of tries (courtesy His Place)...

~Marv Albert Gets Pink Slip
~Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
~New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
~Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
~Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
~Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
~Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
~British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
~Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
~New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
~Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
~Steals Clock, Faces Time
~Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
~Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
~Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

2002-09-23T00:10:00.000-04:00

Well, there's less than a week until my sister's wedding. I was able to find a dress that I liked last Tuesday, after which I was involved in a little fender bender, oh joy. Currently, I'm recovering from a head-splitting migrane which knocked me out for most of the afternoon, and trying not to stress out over the fact that I have only 2 weeks left to finish the requirements for the Journalism and English classes that I took Incompletes for last spring . Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! On that note, hope everyone is doing good...if I haven't heard from you recently, drop me a "heads up" when you get a chance!

2002-09-19T01:06:00.000-04:00

Well kids, it's time for another round of humorscopes to tickle your funnybonz. Funny, don't you think, that I'm an Aquarian and today I have my two journalism classes?? Guess we'll see what kind of assignments I'll have...

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to bring your entrenching tool with you. You never know...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to skip. In fact, skipping is good exercise, and I'm certain that if you just get a few friends to go along with you, you can start a cultural movement of just as much importance as running and walking. The main problem, of course, is to figure out what sort of "skipping" shoe Nike is going to come out with.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to beating around the ornamental shrubbery.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You've about had it with one particular fool in your life. Have you considered investing in a tranquilizer gun? Mine comes in very handy, especially at work.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be afire with enthusiasm today! Unfortunately, an aspiring firefighter will put you out.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent time to show the world that plaid and stripes do too mix.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You may have to share a room to save expenses. Here's a tip to keep your roomie from talking all night: get a teddy bear, and punch it really hard in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming "Shut up, Mr. Teddy! Shut up!". Do this every night, and your stress level will decrease by 17.36%.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be accosted today by several of those people who think only of themselves, and who believe that "sharing" is something that little kids have to do. Despite this, I recommend against turning them over your knee and spanking them -- unless you think you can get away with it.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
While looking through comparative salary figures, who will discover that the job of "Villiage Idiot", in many metropolitan areas, pays better than that of the mayor. Don't even consider a career change, though -- it's a lot harder that it sounds.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You need to do something about that nervous laugh. Practice an "evil laugh" and use that instead. Then at least, you'll be able to hear everyone else's nervous laughter.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will write a newspaper article about the Internet today. Why not? Everybody else has.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will be buffeted by hordes of people, who will all simultaneously show up "just to chat". Eventually, you will make your escape by locking yourself in the bathroom.

2002-09-17T23:55:00.000-04:00

Hopefully this post will successfully add my comments box back to my new and improved blog. The server at school was having regression issues this afternoon and I couldn't get it to load in properly. Comment away!!

2002-09-16T23:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I've not been able to figure out the quirks on my last template, so as much as I loved it, it just had to go. Hopefully, this less table-intensive version will suit my abilities better. Let me know what you're thinking about the new look, and while you're at it, let me know which Pooh character you are!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

2002-09-12T11:52:00.000-04:00

Good grief, i've done it again! I can't believe it's been so long since i've posted...it was on my list of things to do, but you know how it gets. Maddison is well established in first grade, and Ellery is enjoying being in the 3 & 4 year old class at daycare. Her teacher gets to do a lot more fun stuff than they could in the toddler room. As for me, I'm struggling along slowly but surely in my classes...my 17 credit hours is keeping me busy, but so far, not too terribly overwhelming. I think i'll leave all of my faithful readers with a quote from our esteemed president (can you feel the sarcasm here?):
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

Oh wait, i have to add a couple more...he's such a treasure trove of intelligence...

"The future will be better tomorrow."
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."

There now...do you feel smarter??